She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize