Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
