I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
