So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
