4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
This couple is walking their pig around campus
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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