no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
