im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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