I was born with a shot glass in my hand
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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