And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
