Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
