so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Randomize
