I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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