i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
