she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
