508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
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