That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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