So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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