i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize