Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
