We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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