I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
