allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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