I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
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