I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
