on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
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