My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
