The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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