last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
