it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
false alarm. still invincible.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
