i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
