My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
