He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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