I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
