That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
