i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
