I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Randomize
