I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
