either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
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