need another drink. this is the easiest way
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
