is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize
