her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
