Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Randomize
