I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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