Taylor Swift is so right about you.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
