My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Why can't burritos get me drunk
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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