had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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