He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
