he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
