I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
The police scanner is talking about you again....
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
