Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Randomize
