So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
