Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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