I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
