I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
