Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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