What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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