well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Randomize
