I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
