you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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