At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
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