??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
