from now on my penis is your penis
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
