you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
