went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
we're making bets on your personal life
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize