ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
