so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
