Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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