ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Randomize
